Why is it that some people constantly make you feel used? Sometimes, I think that it's just me and sometimes I wonder if it has to be something more. Do we let people use us, or is it that we feel used because we are willing to do so much?
I have a friend that believes the entire world revolves around her. Everything good that happens is because of something she has done and everything bad means that someone is trying to screw her over. There are days like today when I wonder how much of that is in me. Do I just not see that I am acting selfish? Is asking this favor selfish? Is writing this blog and hoping someone reads it selfish?
We expect a certain degree of selfishness from children. All they know, and up until a certain age all they should know, is that they are the center of their parents world. I truly believe that that is how it should be. My children should know that they come first in my life. BUT, and a big butt it is too (if you know me you know I'm not lacking in the behind area and I like to joke on that kinda often), my children should also know that I have a life outside of them. They can be first, but I'm a very close second. If my children don't see me ever putting myself first, I think that I am doing them a disservice. They need to know that there are other people in the world and sometimes they aren't going to get the attention that they want. Yes, we can do A and B, but nope, we aren't doing C because I would rather do D.
But man, I am feeling super selfish tonight. I don't know if it's the holidays, the fact that work is insane, dealing with the ex, or just that fact that I'm sick of doing favors for others that seem to be expected and not appreciated, but I want it to be about me today. I want to get off work early. I want to sleep until I feel like waking up. I want to get the kids and make them help me finish cleaning the house. And then I want them to go to bed so I can watch a crappy movie and drink some wine. I want the world to revolve around me and for me to just take what I want. Screw it, if I make someone feel used. It's my day.
Yeah well, fortunately or unfortunately, that's just not me. Maybe tomorrow...?